take me with you
by FlopsyOllie
Summary: But they can't let go, so they hold onto each other./ Quick AU  or not  - rated for language
1. Chapter 1

_I'm having Quick widthdrawls..._

_In my magical happy world, this is real. They're together behind everyone's backs and Puck's a sad puppy. Enjoy!_

* * *

They spent four days in the hospital, and still they'd never be ready to say goodbye.

Of course the eleventh hour came. She said no one last time and he said nothing. They signed her life away. The little bundle of pink blinked back at them as she was placed into another's arms.

But they can't let go, so they hold onto each other.

…

July starts out slow and jagged. She doesn't want a commitment but doesn't know how to leave. He'd follow her to the ends of the Earth if she'd let him. They fall in between histories; a tangled, bittersweet past and an uncertain future. She only kisses him when she can't see him, because then it's like it isn't real. He sits on the floor of her workout room, watching her burn away her baby fat.

She wants to forget everything that ever happened and is determined to erase it. He's going to hold on with everything he's got.

They're pure conflict. At least it keeps life exciting.

…

They make love for the first time since Beth in August underneath a full moon. This time condom included.

They're not supposed to be doing this. School starts in a few weeks and she wants to reinvent her life. But they fall into the grass and she forgets all about her morals.

She makes a point to enjoy it this time, and moans his name for the stars to hear. It's a final hurrah. Once summer is over, this isn't her life.

She's tried to tell him that. He won't listen. He never listens.

For now, he cherishes having her with him, her fingernails digging into his back, her eyelashes brushing against his cheek.

She's a comet, usually gone by morning. He's learned to count his blessings. When he prays hard enough, she's still there when he wakes up. It's not a dream.

…

"We're not together, you know."

"I know."

"I want to be a different person than last year."

"I know, Quinn."

"That means I can't see you anymore. At all."

She leaves him there, arm and arm with her reputation.

…

He throws rocks at her window just as the sun is rising. School starts in three hours and he's been up all night looking for a way around this.

"I know you won't be with me publicly. But what if it was a secret?"

She raises her eyebrow in that way that totally turns him on, hanging out of the picture window in his boxers, "Why?"

"Because I can't live without you. And I don't think you can live without me, either."

She cracks a coy smile, brushing a stray blonde lock out of her face. Her hair will be back up in a ponytail soon. Her body will be back into a cheerleading uniform again. It's what she wants. He's not part of the plan. He has to be. He will be.

"Okay. See you at three."

…

To anyone else, they might as well hate each other. Maybe they don't even know each other anymore.

Behind the curtains, it's quite the opposite. They can be okay with not speaking because as soon as the day's over, they're together somewhere, tattooing memories into each other's backs.

He fakes indifference when she won't look at him in the hallway, pretends he doesn't care when she checks out that new blonde kid at glee practice, even forces laughs when Santana calls her a slut. In the back of his truck, she breathes that she doesn't mean it, remember it isn't real? That should be easy to understand when she's in his arms. It's different when they're apart.

It starts to make him angry. When he's angry, he can't think straight.

That's how he lands himself in juvie, only wishing for a phone call.

…

Once he's out, she shows up at his doorstep still in her Cheerios uniform even though she knows he hates it. They go for a walk and she takes down her hair.

"Just so you know, I'm dating someone now."

He can't help flinching, "Who?"

"Sam."

"You mean Bieber Fever?"

"Stop it, Puck."

"So what does that mean for us?"

"Nothing," she smiles, reaching up to plant a kiss on his lips, "Absolutely nothing."

…

It might work in theory, but it really pisses him off to see the two of them prancing down the hallway like Ken and Barbie and writing in each others notebooks. He doesn't exactly like being alone. It's not fair. He can't even enjoy himself with Santana because he's too busy thinking about Quinn. Not to mention he feels like he's cheating in some way. That's weird, because he's never had much of a conscience.

Of course, she'd be the one to confuse the hell out of him.

…

"You know, he's just dating you to be popular."

"I know."

"Well… just quit being so touchy feely. It makes me sick."

"It makes you jealous."

He grunts.

"Don't worry, you're still my favorite."

"I'd better be."

"Am I still your favorite?"

"Gee, I dunno. When I watch you sucking face with _Samuel_-"

"At least I'm not sleeping with him."

"I've always slept with Santana."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't bother me."

"Well Evans bothers me."

"Then I guess we can agree to be uncomfortable."

…

He finds out about the fucking ring when she brings it home. He really wants to punch someone. As if he has a right to _marry her_ or something.

Really, he's just jealous he didn't think of it first. She can contemplate wearing Sam's when she would never even think about wearing his.

"Should I take it?"

"Hell no. He'll get the wrong idea."

"Everyone already has the wrong idea."

"So? How do you think Blondie will feel about that promise ring when the figures out you've been with me the whole time?"

"He'll probably be really hurt."

"So break up with him now. Perfect excuse."

"You know I can't."

Secretly, he's scared she's starting to love Sam more than him. It doesn't matter how much time they spend together or how many times they fuck – the rest of the world still thinks she's with someone else. He's yesterday's news.

Except he can't tell her that. She'd only lecture him on how this was his idea in the first place, she has an image to maintain, blah, blah, blah.

He'd really like to know why that damn reputation is so important. Was her life really so horrible without her pedestal? Is he really so much of a loser that she can't bear to stand next to him in public?

But why, if her image is so important, is she even here? Why does she even bother? It's got to be more than just a baby or infatuation or rebellion or whatever.

The possible reasons, not to mention something like love, are what keep him around, putting up with all the shit.

…

The damn rock shows up on her finger. He wishes it wasn't true.

"Why?"

"It's a good cover."

"We don't need a cover like that. If you'd just let-"

"No. You got me pregnant and ignored me for six months."

"You shut me out."

"Whatever. I still don't want to be with you."

"So you've been fucking me after your dates with Fish Lips because you don't want to be together?"

"Yes."

He laughs. But isn't it better than nothing?

"At least take it off when you're with me. Please."

She does. He can't help think of it resting on his nightstand the entire time they fuck.

…

He ends up buying her his own ring, but keeps it in his pocket. She'd just get mad at him. Doesn't need two promise rings. Besides, the way things are going, he isn't long term. She's just trying to figure out how to live her life without him.

She should've learned by now. Once someone changes your life, you can't ever go back.

…

The dynamic duo get to sing together at Sectionals. He doesn't tell anyone, but he agrees with Berry. Ken and Barbie don't need to be singing anything thank you very much.

He clenches his fists through the entire number gives the back of Evans's head death glares. That night, he draws out his kisses longer than usual.

"I love you."

She stops breathing underneath him.

"Why can't you ever say it back?"

She squirms away, pulling her top back on and tightening her ponytail.

"I don't know."

…

They cool it for a while. It breaks his heart. Love scares him too, but at least he has the balls to say it.

Does she tell Evans she loves him? If she does, that's not fair. She had a baby with _him_. She cares about _him_. She sleeps with _him_. She's dating _him_ behind everyone's backs.

He should be the winner here. Why the hell does she have to be fooling around with some other guy to feel safe?

Why can't they just be together like before?

* * *

_If people like this, I might continue once the new episodes start._


	2. Chapter 2

_Part 2! Covers the Superbowl episode, Silly Love Songs, and Comeback. Enjoy!_

"I saw you look at me."

She slams her locker shut and rolls her eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"While Rachel and I sang that stupid song. You were looking right at me. Evans didn't look too happy about it."

"You're delusional."

"Really? I'm the crazy one here? Because last time I checked, _you're_ the one who thinks you can pull off two lives, cheating-"

She grits her teeth, "Shut up."

"Make me."

She stares at him hard, jaw set and teeth clenched.

"I don't care about you and I don't care about glee. I'm quitting."

"What? Why?"

"Miss Sylvester says we have to. Regionals is the same day as the championship game."

"So you care more about your popularity now?"

She glares at him, adjusting her uniform top, and it's not like it's ever been any different. They might as well have no history. No future.

"Guess I should've known, huh? You'll always be the same."

He turns to leave, shoving his hands into his pockets. He's the one to walk away this time, but her words stop him.

"What do you mean?"

Her face doesn't move, stone cold as he answers: (as if she didn't already know)

"You always live for other people instead of yourself."

…

Sometimes opposites work. Like magnets connecting or stars aligning.

Sometimes they don't, like in math class. The negative overpowers the positive and it's gone.

For a while, they orbited around each other. Came together. Separated. Glued together like magnets. Except now looking back on it, maybe they were just solving the equation wrong.

She follows her head instead of her heart, follows the crowd instead of her passion, uses her popularity like a security blanket. Without that, she has nothing.

Except him.

Usually, for better or worse he follows his heart (though some may say his dick, but if they knew him well enough they'd think differently) instead of his head, and sometimes he gets in trouble for that but at least he knows what it's like to step over the edge, taste the fruit, whatever, instead of always wondering what it'd be like to take a risk once in a while. Like her.

She stepped off into the shadows once and that got her pushed off her pedestal forever. She has to climb her way back up. She's desperate for it, like an addiction. How does she live without it?

He knows she's scared. She's scared to change and she's scared to be less than perfect, less than what she was. He symbolizes all of that. He's everything she shouldn't have, everything that will drag her down; the person who caused her parents to cut her out of all the family photos.

Maybe the grass is a little shabby on his side of the fence, but it can't be so bad if they face it together. If only she could figure that out.

…

He expects her to show up at the game, to actually choose him for once, but she doesn't. She chooses her reputation. Again.

He doesn't expect her to show up when Finn goes off to fetch them, either. He gives that speech to the rest of the football team figuring it'll never work, but damn if he doesn't try anyway.

He'd like to think he knows a thing or two about fighting for what's important.

He wants to make Quinn, and Beth, proud. He really wants it to be a moment he'd tell her about, even if he never sees her again. He wants to have something that makes him important, proud, something, versus all the other shit that's going on. Maybe something that'll show Quinn no one cares if she's a cheerleader or dating him. Maybe to make himself more popular. At least something so she'll look him in the eye.

Except when she returns for the halftime show, she's only making eyes at Finn. Last time he checked, Finn wasn't her fake/real boyfriend.

After the game they're back his place having some fun with the zombie make up and he asks her.

"I wasn't looking at Finn."

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Do you seriously feel like so much crap that you need three guys to make out with?"

"Shut up."

"I'm just saying-"

"I said shut up, _Puckerman_."

She's a liar. He knows it, but he won't call her out.

It really only gets worse from there on.

…

She can date someone else while they're together? Well he can too.

Lauren Zizes is a firecracker. She isn't like anyone else he's ever dated. Spicy. Independent. Stubborn.

Well. She's like one other girl - on the inside anyway. People just wouldn't know it at first glance. Not anymore.

He sings to Lauren for their Valentines Day assignment, and yeah, he makes sure to shove his ass right in Quinn's face. She looks at him, almost smiling, splitting her glances between him and Sam. After all, wouldn't want him to get suspicious.

Except then shit gets really weird, because Quinn starts looking at _Finn _even more than she looks at him or Fish Lips.

She knocks on his car window after glee practice that day, and he unlocks the door as she climbs in, face hard as she glares at him.

"Why the hell would you sing to her?"

"Same reason you're dating Sam. Or is it Finn now? Hard to tell."

"She's _disgusting_, Puck. When I was pregnant, you told me you hated fat girls-"

"Have you always been this bitchy and I just didn't notice? I thought getting out of the uniform would take care of that."

She scowls, "Lauren Zizes might even be a bigger loser than Rachel. Not to mention she's the size of a _house_."

Maybe he doesn't have true feelings for Lauren, but that doesn't mean Quinn needs to be making fun of her body.

"Would you talk about Mercedes like that?"

She looks away, staring down at her lap, "Mercedes isn't trying to steal my… you… away."

He lifts her chin with his finger, "It hurts, doesn't it?"

She doesn't say anything. Instead, they fog up the windows showing each other how important they are.

…

She smiles, "I told Sam he's the only one I'm kissing."

He snorts, "You should've added that he's not the only one you're fucking."

"But we don't… _do that_."

"Right," he grins as he pulls her towards him again, "That's my job."

…

"He's getting suspicious, you know."

"Of me?"

"No. Of Finn."

"Of course he is. We should get paid for this."

"Should I do it?"

"Do what?"

"Kiss Finn."

"If you want to."

"What kind of answer is that?"

"Well, what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know, be protective? Jealous?"

"If you wanted me to be jealous, both your little boyfriends would be in the hospital and everyone would know just exactly who you're having sleepovers with."

She gets gloomy and crosses her arms, "You're so dumb."

"You want everything all at once. Life's not fair."

But she's determined to have her way. She's ambitious and conniving. She's also a pretty good liar – he knows that all too well. They're used to keeping shit under wraps.

So he watches her paint her nails a bright shade of blue the night before. It's only supposed to be a ploy to get Sam off her back, but he thinks she's not finished with Finn. She's not finished with any of them.

He's not a psychologist or anything, but maybe she wants to hold onto so much (him, Sam, Finn, popularity) is because she still can't get over letting go her little girl.

She's trying to fill the hole and it's not working.

He misses Beth too. But he'd rather be with her than any other girl. That's enough to make him feel somewhat whole again.

…

"Hey Puckerman, you heard your baby mama's sleeping with the enemy?"

He slams his locker shut, "What do you want now, Santana?"

"Quinn. She's seeing Finnocence on the sly."

"I'm with Lauren, not Quinn."

"Oh, please. I think I've slept with you enough to figure out your habits. The two of you are fucking behind _everyone's _backs. Dunno why you see a point in masquerading it, but you are."

"Quinn can do whatever she wants."

"I'd be pretty jealous if I were you. I mean, she's got three guys wrapped around her finger while you can even get one."

"If you're trying to bring me down, it won't work."

"Aw, really? The queen bitch can't break Pucky's wittle heart?"

"Nope, because unlike you, I know what's really going on."

She narrows her eyes, "Do tell?"

"Sorry. Classified information."

She yells after him as he walks away, "I'll find out, you know! I always find out!"

It doesn't really matter who Quinn's kissing, because he's the one keeping her bed (and maybe her heart) warm.

…

She manages to catch mono from his would be best friend, and Sam must be stupid or desperate because he believes her when she says she didn't cheat.

She's bedridden for two weeks. He sneaks in through her window after her mom goes to sleep.

"I told him we're taking a break until I figure things out with Sam."

"Sure. Did you also mention you were wearing my shirt?"

"Shut up," she smiles a little before leaning over to cough, "Besides, I like your shirt."

"You stick around for more than just my clothes, babe. I say just break it off with both of them now."

"I'd rather have Sam be jealous of Finn than you."

She protests when he crawls in bed with her, kissing her forehead.

"You'll get sick."

"I've had mono so many times-"

"I don't want to know."

"Take me nursing you back to health as a Valentines Day present."

"… I guess I could deal with that."

…

Turns out, she doesn't have to break any news to Sam. Santana spills the beans about her and Finn and Justin Beiber Experience walks away from her for good.

"Anyone who thinks Color Me Mine _or_ Beiber Fever is good enough for you is a loser."

"Thanks, Puck, but that still doesn't make me feel any better."

"Don't tell me you loved him."

"I… don't know."

"Well do you love Finn?"

"I think… I always wanted to be in love with him."

"What about me?"

"I'm not supposed to love you, okay? It just… isn't me."

"Says who? Your family? Your reputation?"

"Last time I took a chance with you… a real chance… I got hurt."

"You think being with me in secret is any different from before? What's going to change is anyone knows?"

"I'll… be a slut."

"You're more of a slut now than you ever were with me."

She doesn't answer him. It seems like she never will.

…

"Why didn't you tell Evans about Quinn and me?"

Santana smiles as flicks her hair in the mirror, "So you admit it?"

"No. I just thought…"

"Look, I know you all think I'm completely heartless, but I'm not. I figure if you two are keeping a secret, you're relationship's screwed up enough without me interfering. Besides, Tubbers tends to bring out the best in you, though I have no idea why."

"You're… smarter than I thought."

"Course I am. Nobody likes a dumb slut."

…

He takes off the promise ring for her while he kisses the nape of her neck. She doesn't complain.

He'll replace it in the morning with his own, as a real Valentines Day present. She only smiles and puts it on a chain to wear around her neck.

"Wouldn't want to get too suspicious."

At least it's somewhat of a step forward. She'll come around eventually.

_She has to._

* * *

_I hope you liked it! I'm so excited for next week's episode. Puck's bringing winecoolers ;)_


	3. Chapter 3

_So I'm crying right now you guys. Tears. I can't even stand what the writers are doing to Quick… it's starting to hurt (I know I shouldn't be this invested in a TV show). At least I can come here and be somewhat happy… sigh. Side note – I'm insanely excited for Brittana and kind of want to write for them but doubt I'd do it justice._

_Here's hoping to a better future._

_Covers Blame it on the Alcohol and Sexy_

* * *

Since Quinn's too stubborn or afraid to go public with him, he decides to find a way to push her along. He figures a party is the perfect place and Berry's the perfect scapegoat.

It doesn't work out exactly according to plan, but hey, what plans of his ever do?

He brings the winecoolers, of course, and she pretends not to notice as she smirks in the corner of the basement, arms crossed, avoiding having to look at Sam and Santana practically having sex on the couch.

"Nobody's gonna get buzzed off of two winecoolers."

He'd know. So would she. It's time to break out the big guns. It's the only way to loosen her up.

He notices she's a little hesitant at first, because she knows getting drunk means losing control, but eventually she's just as hammered as the rest of them. They danced together for a little while, in public no less. She even yelled at him in public _about the baby_, a topic they haven't breached since last year.

Well, alcohol does bring shit out of people. Hopefully all the right things. He doesn't really care if she yells at him. At least she's talking to him, especially in front of other people.

She _is _quite a downer when she's drunk – so far, at least. She doesn't even play spin the bottle, just mopes in the corner and watches. She's like that the most of the night while he sits in Lauren's lap, listening to Rachel and that bird kid sing karaoke as he drinks more vodka from a red plastic cup.

Eventually the night winds down. People start passing out or Finn and Kurt bring them home. He's far too shitfaced to drive anywhere and will probably end up crashing on the floor like everyone else.

_And then she's there, plopping down next to him, twirling her hair around her finger._

_"Happen to have any winecoolers?__"_

_"Nope," she slurs, popping the __p __and bobbing her head. He's never seen her drunk before._

_"Why not?"_

_"Last time I had those… stuff got messy."_

_"You're drunk anyway."_

_"I know__, jackass. Shut up and kiss me."_

_So he does. It's the first time there could be any witnesses, but everyone's passed out or throwing up or kissing someone else.__ The fact that Lauren's across the room is the farthest thing from his mind. The fact that Quinn yelled at him earlier or doesn't really want to talk to him is somewhere else. Right now they're just together, out in the open, nothing holding them back._

_Too bad it'll all change once the sun rises._

_…_

"She called me frigid. And _naïve_."

"Calm down, babe."

She continues pacing back and forth, glaring at him, "I will _not calm down. _Just because a person chooses to remain pure doesn't make them a _prude_ or _stupid_."

He snorts, "You're not exactly the prime example of-"

"Shut up! I know that. I'm just offended for other people… for who I _used_ to be. It's insulting."

"I don't see why you're still _in _celibacy club anyway."

She chuckles, softly stroking his cheek, looking a little sad as her fingernails drag across his face.

"You obviously don't understand the impact of appearances."

…

Of course he fucking knows about _appearances. _He was going to make a sex tape with Lauren till he figured out what a stupid idea that was. What makes her think she's _so much better_?

He joins the celibacy club too, and smirks while she writhes in her seat.

"What's with the hickey, Quinn?"

It's from _him, _that's what.

"It's a burn from my curling iron."

He has to keep himself from laughing. Except maybe he shouldn't laugh. That hickey could as easily be from Finn as him. Is she still seeing Finn?

She looks away. Yeah, she's pissed for that.

At least arguing is better than not talking at all.

…

"You can't be in there. You don't care about it! You aren't even a virgin!"

"Neither are you."

She doesn't have an argument for that.

…

"I need some advice."

"I really don't want to talk to you right now."

"Girl trouble?"

Santana drops her head into her hands, "Whatever. Go away."

"Hey, I don't care who you're with. I know what it's like to have a broken heart."

"She reject you again?"

"Yeah. You?"

"… I don't want to talk about it. So… what's your problem?"

"I figure you know about someone not wanting to commit, right? Like… only wanting sex, or only being there in secret or whatever?"

"Are you _trying _to mock me?"

"No, really. It's about Quinn. She's… she won't talk to me."

"I think she's scared."

"I fucking know that. Why can't she just get over it."

"Because being with you and being with Finn is like the best of both worlds."

He finally sits down next to her, hands collapsed in his lap, "I still don't know why I can't be enough."

She sighs, "Words – reputation – are powerful. I would know. She's afraid of letting go again. Think about it – when Quinn fucked you, her life went to shit. Now that the baby's gone, it's like last year didn't happen. Maybe if she climbs back up to the top she can get her life back and Daddy will love her again. You're everything she's not supposed to want, but she does and that's terrifying. So she's doing what she can to make it work, except it doesn't really and everyone just ends up getting hurt… and she rejects you because she thinks it's the right thing."

"Okay, now are you talking about Quinn and I, or you and Brittany?"

"Both, I guess," she laughs softly.

"The way you and her look at each other… I wish Quinn would look at me like that again."

"She does, when you're not looking."

And she'll never admit it.

"At least Brit loves you."

"Quinn loves you."

"She just won't say it."

"Someday… she will."

"How do you know?"

She smiles, "Because if I did, then she will too."

…

She _fucked Finn_. Fucking idiot Finn. As if she even needs that, like he doesn't give her what he wants. As if she would actually _cheat on him for real_.

Maybe they didn't fuck. He doesn't have proof, but he knows they've been fooling around and he knows when she's not with him she's with Finn. They're up to something.

It hurts, and Noah Puckerman is not one to admit when someone is breaking his heart.

"So, you have a good time last night with Hudson?"

She snorts, "Are you stalking me now?"

"I have sources."

"Oh? And what do your sources say, exactly?"

"You fucking cheated on me, Quinn. Again."

"I thought you understood I have to cover us up…"

"Not by fucking another dude! I went along with everything else because I thought it'd make you stay, but I can't deal with this!"

"I didn't… fuck him."

"Sure, you say that. You're lying to everyone else, so you're probably lying to me, too. Ever gonna let anyone in again, or do all we get is this bitch?"

"The last time I let someone in, my life was ruined!" she screams, "When I let you in… I lost everything. I can't do that again…"

"Really? Loving me is really that _awful_?"

"You don't understand! I'm not the type of person… who's with you. I'm not…"

"Only because you won't fucking _let yourself_. Hate to break the news, but no matter what you do no one is going to _forget_ you had a baby and slept with _me_, especially your parents."

She breathes in shakily, eyebrows still knitted together, wiping away the tears.

"I'm done with you."

"Excuse me?"

He doesn't think about consequences. She thinks about them too much.

"You were a mistake. The biggest _mistake _of my life."

"You keep preaching that, but I still don't think you believe it."

"Well I do."

"No you don't. Say it all you want. Tell it to who ever you want, even Finn. You're just scared to be with me and scared that your life might've actually changed for the better!"

"My life… could never be _better_ with you."

"So what? You're breaking up with me?"

She walks away.

"_We were never together_."


	4. Chapter 4

_I abandoned this… but Season 3 has given me hope, so I'm picking this back up again! This is mostly me trying to make sense of the mess of Quinn Fabray through Puck's eyes, since the writers obviously have no idea… enjoy! I'm sorry I was gone for so long! I tried to cover from the beginning to season 3 all the way to Michael._

_Also: I barely edited this; I just wanted to get it up and I've got class in ten minutes. Please excuse my mistakes._

* * *

They don't speak for five months. That doesn't mean he stops thinking about her.

Senior year starts with a bang when he sees her walking in, bright pink hair lighting up the hallway, dark clothes contrasting against her old image. She doesn't give anyone the time of day, smoking under the bleachers and stealing freshman lunch money.

It's not the Quinn he knows. How could she have changed so much? Last year, all she wanted to be prom queen. This girl doesn't want that. This girl wants… chaos.

This girl his hiding behind her costume. Really, this girl has given up on happiness. This girl is sure by changing herself, she'll forget all about the pain and the mistakes. He can see it, because he knows her. He knows her inside and out, better than anyone else in her life. She might like to think he doesn't, but he does. He always has.

Shelby's back and _their baby's _back, and he never thought they'd get this opportunity, and how can she not be happy? Isn't this what she wanted? Instead, she's yelling at Shelby and telling her she'll never be a mom, and refusing to change.

Maybe she won't make an effort, but he will. He visits Beth. He holds her. He draws her pictures and plays with her toys. She's perfect. But Quinn's missing.

Quinn's in her room, staring at the blank walls. Quinn's looking in the mirror at her hair and her make up and her clothes, wondering where she went and if she wants to find her way back.

So he walks into the bathroom that day, aiming to get her back. Not her, exactly. Aiming to get her back for Beth, really, not for himself. That might be a nice bonus, though.

"We'll never be together," she spits, because she's obviously still bitter, even though Sam's gone and Finn's with Rachel, so she has no excuse to pretend anymore.

"I don't care about you. I care about _her._"

Maybe it's a lie, but her smile falters a little, and that's all that matters.

Anything to just get through to her.

…

It's 6:46 pm. He's sitting in his room, thinking about his homework but leaning towards his play station when his phone starts to buzz.

Her name lights up the screen for the first time in a long time. It's all he wanted, but he could never call. It was her decision. Everything's always her decision…

On the other end of the line, she's crying. Sobbing. He's never heard her cry this hard before, like everything inside her is breaking.

"She showed me… and she won't let me see her! She won't let me see _my_ baby!"

"Hey, you need to calm down. What's wrong?"

"Shelby showed me the picture of you and Beth! She won't let me see her unless I change! It's not fair! She has no fucking right to tell me what to do with my life!"

Why'd she call him? He thought she was angry with him… what else would justify the months of silence?

"Well, what do you want me to do?"

"Make her let me see her!"

"You know I can't."

"Really? I thought you were supposed to have all the answers."

"What are you talking about?"

"… nevermind."

Because she'd never admit she still remembers the last conversation they had. How he called her out, saying words she didn't "know," when really she was just too scared to think about them.

He sighs, "I can't change Shelby's mind for you. Maybe… she has a point."

"That bitch doesn't know the first fucking thing about my life!"

"You shouldn't call her that… she's the mother of-"

"She's not."

Alright. Obviously, that road's not safe yet.

"If you really want to see Beth, maybe you'll just have to do what she says, whether you like it or not."

She blows a steady stream of air into the phone, "Whatever, Puckerman. Thanks for all the help."

The dial tone buzzes in his ear. He hangs up once he's sure she's gone. Just like her, to always leave him hanging…

…

She changes her costume, but not her attitude.

She wants to get Beth back, and he's supposed to help her. He doesn't see how that's supposed to work, until Quinn starts planting stuff around Shelby's house.

He misses Beth, too. Of course he'd like to have her back. It was what he always wanted, but she said no. Now she's changed her mind? She thinks this is the way to do it? She wants to be her mom, but Shelby's her mom too. They can't just steal a baby, can they? They signed her away…

But it's pretty easy to forget about all that, when she sees the way Quinn's face lights up with Beth right next to her.

It's then that he realizes she hasn't changed. She thought her life would be better without them. It only got worse. So now what? She wants them back?

He's only ever wanted her. But not like this. He wants the Quinn who was caring and independent, who used to sing to her belly, who smiled when he said he loved her. He wants the Quinn who appears when she holds Beth in her arms, not the Quinn who tries to ruin other people's lives.

He doesn't want Quinn the teenage girl. He wants Quinn the mother.

So he gets a little confused and kisses Shelby. He doesn't really know why he does it, except she loves Beth and he loves Beth, so that must mean something. She's hot, she's an older woman – it's familiar territory. At least she's willing to kiss him, unlike Quinn.

Still, he doesn't tell her about it. She made out with plenty of people last year when they were "together." This isn't any different.

…

"We can paint the nursery pink," she says happily, leaning back in her chair. They're in an empty classroom, eating lunch. Maybe she wouldn't be so happy if she knew what he was doing, "I guess that's a little cliché, but my mom still has the empty room and the paint and everything. She never really gave up her hopes. I guess she though Beth could replace Daddy."

"Makes sense," he mutters, figuring it's useless to point out that Quinn's probably thinking the same thing.

"It doesn't have to be pink, if you don't want to. Do you think we should start buying toys? Or will they just give us Shelby's?"

"Quinn… maybe we should think about this."

"There's nothing to think about. We're getting her back, Puck. You said that's what you wanted."

"I know, but…"

Her eyes widen, "What?"

She's got to come out of this fantasy world. They can't take Beth away from the only mom she's known. They can't ruin Shelby's life. Getting Beth back won't make her feel any better. It won't fix her life. Wasn't she a mistake anyway? She tried to erase that mistake. Now that that didn't work, is she trying to make it work?

"I don't think it's going to work."

"Of course it will! We'll have her back and we'll be happy!"

"I just… don't know. I mean… won't Beth be unhappy?"

"No," she scoffs, rolling her eyes, "We're her parents! She loves us."

"Do you love her?"

"Why would you ask me that? Of course I do!"

"Then why are you taking her away from the only life she's ever known?"

Her eyes narrow, mouth setting into a hard line, "I'm doing this to make our lives better. I thought you'd understand that."

"But what about Beth?"

"Beth is _ours. _She's my one perfect thing, okay? She's my only chance at doing something right in my life."

"What happened to forgetting all about it and getting out of here?"

She frowns, looking away from him, "I've accepted that I'm never getting out of here."

She won't meet his gaze again.

…

Quinn won't answer her phone. Shelby calls. Beth's hurt. He goes over. They have sex.

He doesn't even know why he did it. It's just what he always does. Sleep with women. Don't think about it. Shelby's not exactly happy, but it shouldn't matter. He likes her. She's Beth's mom.

She's not Quinn.

Everyone starts talking about college in glee club. He realizes Quinn hasn't applied anywhere. With her grades, you'd think she'd be trying for early admission. But no. She sits quietly in the corner. He asks her later, in the silence of the empty room.

"I'm not going anywhere. There's nowhere to go."

"You always wanted to go to college."

"Well… I don't anymore."

"But you could get in where ever you wanted. You're so smart-"

"I'm not."

"But-"

"I'm just pathetic, okay?"

It's the first time he starts to put the pieces together.

…

"Wanna come over, rent a movie, and not watch it?"

At first, he turns her down because it sounds like a bad idea. Now that he's realized her mental state isn't exactly stable, it sounds like a really bad idea.

"I don't think so…"

"Come on. It'll be just like old times, right? Except now, no secrets."

It'll never be like old times. She's changed.

"I-"

"That's what you always wanted, wasn't it? Me and you, for everyone to know?"

He ends up at her house, on her bed, and it's just like before. It might be even better, until he says he doesn't have protection and she says she doesn't care. That's _not _Quinn.

"Maybe we'll get lucky again."

Well that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard, and he sees just how broken she is, laying there, looking up at him like a lost puppy.

"You've given up on Beth?"

"I thought about what you said, okay? I guess we shouldn't take her. So we should just have another one, and we can be happy."

So he just tells her everything he's been thinking, and how he knows she's lost and he wants to help, and she doesn't need a baby to fix her life. She doesn't need a baby to make her special. She is special, even though she doesn't believe she's worth shit. When he's done, he just holds her in bed, listening to the quiet, until she speaks.

"I'm sorry I stopped talking to you over the summer."

"It's okay," even though it might not be, he can't exactly be angry about it now.

"I just… I wanted to hide from everyone. I felt so… alone."

"You're not alone. I've been here the whole time."

"I know, but you… you reminded me of her. Of everything. And I just wanted to go back…"

"What was so great about back then?"

Her body tenses in his arms, "I had everything… everyone wanted to be me. Life made sense… my dad still… loved me."

"Hey…" he whispers, and he feels the hot tears falling on his arms, "People still love you-"

"No, no I fucked everything up. I ruined everything. I hurt Finn and I hurt you and I broke my family apart… it's all my fault."

"Getting knocked up wasn't the greatest thing, but it's all okay now, isn't it?"

"No! Everyone still hated me when I tried to get it back, and they hated me when I was a Skank, and they hate me now! I just can't do anything right!"

"No one hates you, Quinn. They're worried about you-"

"Really? I kept Rachel from Finn all that time! Shelby hates me for trying to take Beth away and I'll probably never see her again! My dad blames me for ruining his life!"

"He doesn't-"

"He does! You know he wouldn't even come over on Christmas! He said he didn't want to ruin his holiday by having to see his… his _whore _of a daughter. He actually said that! And I couldn't even show him that I changed, so I guess I am just a whore…"

"You're not a whore," he mutters. He always knew her dad was an asshole, but he still hasn't forgiven her after three years? Way to hold a grudge, "Just don't listen to him."

"He's my father."

"Quinn, I know you don't believe it, but no one stopped caring about you. Never."

"Please. As if you can say that. All you ever wanted me for was sex."

"Then why am I here?"

She tenses. Maybe he wanted her for sex at first, but not anymore. Not for a long time. The whole reason they were a secret last year was only because of her.

"I don't know. I obviously can't do anything right…"

"A lot of shit happened," he says quietly, "But it wasn't all your fault, and it's over now. You can make it better. You can get out and leave it all behind."

"I don't know how."

He doesn't have an answer for her, because he doesn't know how either. Instead he just holds her all night long, because if he's known one thing all along, it's how he feels about her.

…

He tells her about Shelby because it seems like the right thing to do. In the morning he leaves and she doesn't say goodbye.

She sits with him in glee club, but they don't talk about what he said. Not until two days before Regionals and she casually mentions her plan.

"I'll tell child services, you know. Then she'll get fired. Having sex with your student is illegal, so they might even take Beth away."

"Are you crazy? I thought we gave up on that!"

"She doesn't deserve to live with an unfit mother."

"You think they'll give Beth to you? A seventeen year old? No, they'll put her in foster care!"

"Well maybe you should've thought of that before you fucked her mother," she frowns as the vile words spill from her mouth.

"You're mad at me?"

"Ugh," she rolls her eyes, "No. It was a great idea. We've got concrete evidence."

"That's not why I did it-"

"Then why'd you do it? Because you _love her_? Right."

She laughs. He grabs her by the shoulders, "It's not funny."

"I think so."

"Snap out of it, okay? I thought we finally made progress the other night-"

"What, you thought you talked me off the ledge? Like you're so special? Well, you're not! None of us are! Just because you see me cry or whatever doesn't mean anything…"

Her grin is evil, but behind her eyes she's hurt. She's hurt that he might love somebody else.

Well good. Now she knows how it feels. Except maybe she's been hurt long enough, and he's trying to help her, not make her worse.

"You do whatever the hell you want. But I love you, Quinn. I've only loved _you_ since I said it over a year ago. Maybe you love me too, but you'd better figure it out, because if you report Shelby, I'm not coming back."

For once, he's the one to leave her there, alone.

…

After they perform, he finds her sitting in the empty hallway, white jacket gathering dust off the floor.

"The results will be announced soon."

She doesn't say anything. He sits down next to her, hand by the hem of her flowing black skirt.

"I'm not going to say anything about Shelby."

He turns his head. He can tell she's trying not to cry, "What changed your mind?"

"I thought about it… and I realized it's stupid. I know you've been telling me all along, but I just couldn't accept it… I could never accept that my life won't be the same anymore."

"That's okay."

She turns to look at him, red lips inches from his face, "I'm a different person now, and I know that means changing everything. I know that means giving up on who I was before I got pregnant, and who I tried to be, and even giving up on Beth. I have to be… brand new. But if it's okay… I'd like to keep you."

It's the one thing he's been waiting to hear.

"Well if you thought you were getting away from me, you're not as smart as I thought."

She smiles and leans in. Her red lips melt into his as they kiss again for the first time in forever. Onstage, they win. She walks past everyone else to fall into his arms. He didn't know she'd be so public already, but he'll take it. Finally, things are looking up.

…

She calls him on a Saturday afternoon, practically screaming into the phone.

"I got a letter!"

"Um… that's cool, babe?"

"No, I got the letter from Yale!"

"What?" he sits straight up in his chair, "You got accepted?"

"… I haven't opened it yet."

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

Since Sectionals, they haven't clarified if they're dating or not. It's sort of like last year, without all the other guys in her life. It's just her and him, except no one knows. They haven't discussed labels or futures or anything. He knows the future scares her, so it's not a good conversation topic. To anyone else, they'd appear to be good friends finally, after all of their history. They are good friends… just friends who make out sometimes.

Puck can't deny he wants more. Of course he does. He's driving over to help her open her letter from Yale. That's strictly boyfriend material for him. But he doesn't want to push her. It's taken her this long to get this far – baby steps are best for now.

She's waiting at the front door when he arrives, envelope in hand. They stand in the foyer, side by side as she breaks the seal.

"I got in!" she shouts happily, throwing the letter into the air, "I got in!"

"That's so great!" he smiles, and she jumps into his arms, planting a kiss on his mouth.

"I'm really getting out of here," she grins, pressing her forehead against his.

He holds her up, her legs wrapped around his waist, and spins her around. She never believed she was special. She always thought she had to pretend. Maybe now she can see it, "I always knew you would."

…


End file.
